Advertisement
It’s no secret America is rapidly graying. The aging of the Baby Boomer generation means more than 56 million people are over 65; by 2034, seniors will outnumber children under 18 for the first time in recorded history, according to the U.S. Census Bureau. Yet despite their dominant numbers, society continues to cast aside older Americans as if they have no value, which fosters the epidemic of loneliness permeating American culture.
Nearly a quarter of Americans over 65 report feeling isolated, especially immigrant and LGBTQIA+ populations, which contributes to premature death, dementia, and mental illness, according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention.
But, deeply grounded in Unitarian Universalist theology, First Unitarian Church of Dallas, Texas, values elders as a gift. Its 280 members aged "70 and better," as they're called, are fully integrated into congregational life while at the same time having their particular needs attended to. As "a close-knit community in the heart of Dallas," as it describes itself, the congregation places pastoral care for all age groups as a top priority, with a special focus on elders.
The congregation's focus on elders was one reason a couple from another region, who'd attended worship services via livestreaming, decided to move and join First Church. Their decision was in part due to the quality of healthcare in the city, says Rev. T.J. FitzGerald, minister of care and community engagement, "but also because we are a congregation really concerned with aging well and tending to the full range of our folks."
In addition to FitzGerald, the congregation's pastoral care team includes its two other ordained ministers—Rev. Dr. Daniel Kanter and Rev. Beth Dana—as well as the pastoral care director, Jean Ann Powers, and a pastoral care coordinator, Nancy Lovnander. And the backbone of its services is an intergenerational team of more than 150 volunteers who recognize that elders have as much to give as they receive.
"We live in a society where, when you reach a certain age, people think they need to 'take care' of you," adds FitzGerald. But elders have "an entire life of wisdom to share, not to mention the history of the church to share."
How First Unitarian Church of Dallas is Building Relationships that are Intergenerational
Ministering to elders "works best if we don’t really think of it as a separate ministry," FitzGerald explains. For one thing, younger people are eager for interaction with their elders.
"One of the things our youth remark on here is the chance for them to have intergenerational relationships," he notes.
For example, the church's Racial Equity Task Force includes youth, newer retirees, and folks who "are very senior both in their wisdom in life and in the way that church works."
Elders who participated in the 1963 March on Washington have a lot in common with youth on the frontlines of racial equity work today, he says; both groups learn from each other.
"I think the young generation coming up, one thing they are craving in church and spiritual life is authenticity, and their older congregant friends just tell it like it is," FitzGerald says. "That kind of cohesiveness and sharing and being together doing the work of the church is really where the foundational piece is."
And yet "there are fewer and fewer places where intergenerational relationships are even possible," at least outside the deliberate efforts of places like First Church, FitzGerald notes. "We are building a fabric that is as balanced as possible. Making opportunities to hear the wisdom and experience of our elders in the community, we’ve just seen that as very important."
That focus is a rich expression of UU values. Lu Gaston, 82, has been a pastoral care volunteer for eight years, including helping sponsor a grief seminar with guidance on end-of-life planning, prompted by the death of her wife, Doe Allen, who left her own financial house in good order. Gaston was also a recipient of pastoral care when volunteers brought food after her wife died.
"It’s more than part of my UU values," Gaston says. "I’d say it's at the very center of it. It just would be very difficult to say you believe in what Unitarian Universalism teaches if you didn’t do what we do in pastoral care. Pastoral care for me has been an experience of giving and receiving—and understanding the joy of both."
"I think we’re being more transparent about what we are doing, so people understand there’s room in church to be both socially active and also to provide community and mutual support that’s necessary—and is what many people come to church for," says Daniel Butler, a pastoral care volunteer and member of the congregation since 1990.
But there’s a fine line to consider, Powers advises. "We have many 70-and-older congregants who are still working in their professions or are recently retired, and they do not want to feel marginalized as part of the 'older' group," she says.
One of her volunteers is a 71-year-old retired physician who helps manage the care of an 86-year-old congregant, not practicing medicine on him per se but keeping a "big picture" eye on the management of his health.
Ensuring Elders at First Unitarian Church of Dallas Feel Connected and Comfortable
The popular annual holiday party honoring elder members of First Unitarian Church of Dallas draws many people for connection and fun.
When Powers arrived in 2012 as director of pastoral care, she made it her mission to identify members who’d been in the congregation the longest but were "aging out of regular participation," as she puts it—no longer attending Sunday worship, for example.
"I really do believe in giving back to the people who have helped create the church we enjoy today," says Powers. "It's the spiritual principles of service and gratitude."
She contacted these folks and other elders to ask what they most wanted. Many confided that the church—which today has about 1,200 members—had grown so big they sometimes felt out of place in the community they helped build.
"When a lot of people 70 or older joined the church, when they were younger, it was a small church and everyone knew one another," explains Powers. It can be "overwhelming," she adds, "to walk into a crowded social hall where they don’t know many people."
Powers launched an annual party in December, Holiday Homecoming, aimed at people "70 years and better," where each year about 100 elders are feted with a holiday meal, tins of home-baked cookies, and a singalong of carols. "I wanted them to have a place to connect with old friends, meet new friends in their demographic, and really be served by young people in the church," she says.
About 100 volunteers assist. "I encourage parents to bring their children because when a 12-year-old offers [an elder] a cup of punch, it brings such joy," says Powers.
The party went through "many iterations of naming," Powers says, "because Unitarians are very vital through higher ages chronologically and don’t want to be identified as old or needing something special because of their age." She laughs at a memory: "One year I advertised it as the ‘Senior Holiday Party’ and an 82-year-old told me exactly how he felt about that!"
A number of people have gone from being volunteers to being celebrated themselves after turning 70. Today the event “has a life of its own,” says Powers. "It’s my favorite day of the year."
Pastoral Care Makes First Unitarian Church of Dallas 'a Beacon and an Oasis'
Elder services like this provide opportunities to understand, support, and fortify the intergenerational bonds within the congregation. It’s just one of many points of engagement offered to its elders. It also has an Aging Well program, which in 2023 offered presentations on the aging brain and on death with dignity. Organizers expected forty or fifty participants, but twice that number attended. The event was also recorded for those who could not attend.
There’s a visitation team, where each volunteer is paired with an elder and visits at least twice a month in their home, which is complemented by a team that regularly telephones to check up on them.
The Peer Pastoral Care for Youth training program empowers young people to nurture themselves and each other.
Volunteers drive elders to medical appointments and to get vaccines. There’s an intergenerational "card ministry": children draw pictures and write simple messages such as "We love you!" that adults paste onto card stock and deliver to people in times of need. Every congregant aged 80 and above gets a birthday card signed by the pastoral care team.
"I can’t tell you how many have those cards up on their fridge," says Powers.
A meal team delivers food to people in times of crisis such as the loss of a spouse; volunteers sometimes stay to share the meal. There’s a monthly "caring for the caregiver" support group on Zoom for people caring for a sick spouse or parent. And the Women’s Alliance—there’s a day and a night group—has grown in recent years, not just with elders but younger women eager for intergenerational connections.
"I love to go to those!" Powers says. "You hear the most amazing stories about the lives of these women."
Claudia Dixon, a member of the congregation since 1976, has been a pastoral care volunteer for over eight years since retiring as the ministers’ assistant. For the past seven years she’s visited and done basic bookkeeping for a long-time congregant diagnosed with Alzheimer’s.
First Church, Dixon says, "is a beacon and an oasis for those of us who find our home there." As for volunteering? "Loving and caring for each other is a pretty central part of my Unitarian beliefs," she explains.
The pastoral care work is a true shared ministry among everyone at the church, Powers says, as the three ministers allow “a great deal of autonomy and creativity for developing programming.” The church introduced a lay chaplaincy program in February 2024, to foster a more in-depth practice of presence for accompanying people through their life journeys.
And while First Church is a large congregation, Powers says even small congregations can make elders a priority, to the benefit of the entire community.
"I would say pastoral care is the primary reason I feel so connected to that church," says Gaston. "Now I’m old enough that I’m somewhat limited in what I can do, but in my mind I’m still so much a part of the community because of pastoral care. It’s been a major force in my life both as a giver and a recipient."