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In the summer of 2023, Rev. Elizabeth Bukey Saunter was sitting at the UUA General Assembly in Pittsburgh, listening to a slew of congregational initiatives, from combating fascism and expanding education to talking about safety. But at her 98-member congregation, First Church in Jamaica Plain, Massachusetts, attendance remained down post-pandemic, and religious education and adult programming were struggling too. Though her members remained committed, and proud after a successful capital campaign, she wondered: How can we engage with new initiatives when we can barely get ourselves to church without feeling exhausted?
In Pittsburgh, Saunter asked UUA President Rev. Dr. Sofía Betancourt how her congregation should prioritize things. Betancourt suggested not aiming for pre-pandemic life, but instead resting, collaborating, and figuring out “how to sit next to each other and have a conversation,” Saunter recalls.
That was “exactly what I needed to hear,” Saunter says. It assured her that First Church wasn’t alone in its challenges and that it was okay not to over-function, okay to accept the current moment rather than hustle for more.
Back in Jamaica Plain after GA, she considered themes for the 2023–2024 church year. “Sit next to each other and have a conversation” felt apt, and when a fellow minister suggested the rewording “Turn to Your Neighbor,” Saunter knew it was right. During a Mr. Rogers-themed service in September, Saunter wore a zip-up cardigan and invited attendees to do the same. They sang Mr. Rogers songs. Saunter wove conversation prompts into that service and others throughout the year, including, “What’s something that helps keep you safe?”
“It felt weird and uncomfortable at first,” says longtime member and multiple committee chair Robert Amelio, but talking with pewmates grew easier with practice. When Saunter asked congregants to introduce themselves by birth year without naming the year, “we all did it,” Amelio says. Congregants shared the cultural moments for their birth year: that they were born the year that the term AIDS was first used, or during World War II. “It was just this rich telling of our lives together, from very young to quite old.” After the unexpected depth of sharing, Amelio now exchanges “a nice special ‘Hello, how are you?’” at church with his most heartfelt conversation neighbors.
Saunter created a corner where people could journal or sit alone if they preferred, but “nobody did that,” she says. “They all wanted to talk to each other.” As the congregation grew closer, Saunter’s mindset also shifted from, “How can we get more people to do work on a committee” to “How can the church make your life easier?”
Now, Saunter hopes that what they’ve gained from Turn to Your Neighbor will nurture further opportunities for connection. While the experiment last year demonstrated that congregants want to talk, “unstructured mingling around a sad plate of Oreos at coffee hour is not working for anyone,” she says. Saunter is imagining additional creative ways to connect, such as drawing pictures together or other activities that might intentionally spark conversation.
Whatever comes next at First Church, Amelio recommends everyone try something like Turn to Your Neighbor. “It’s taking risks with each other,” he says. “It’s what’s missing.”