Try This: ‘Ritual for a Hospitalization’

This ritual is excerpted from the new book Blessing It All: Rituals for Transition and Transformation, edited by Allison Palm and Heather Concannon (Skinner House, 2024), an expansive collection by a diverse mix of authors for marking life events such as the joining of a blended family, changing names and pronouns, getting a prosthesis, ending a marriage, and more.

This is a ritual of creating a chalice for someone to bring with them to a hospital stay as a reminder that they are held in love. It can be used by a family or small group. The ritual is adapted from one that the author created for pediatric patients at the hospital where she was a chaplain resident. As one child put it, “The candle can hold the happy and the sad and the love.”

MATERIALS:

• Large battery-operated candle (pillar size is best; a drawing of a chalice or candle could be used instead)
• Tissue paper in a variety of colors
• Scissors
• Glue
• Permanent markers
• Saucer or dish to set the candle in, if desired
• Optional: Scrap paper and pens
• Optional: Music
• Optional: Notepaper

SETUP:

Make a small test mark on the candle to verify that the permanent marker will not rub off. If it does, write or draw on light-colored tissue paper instead of the candle itself. Permanent markers should still be used, to prevent the marks from bleeding when the paper is glued to the candle.

Set chairs around a table. The focus person can hold the candle or set it in the center of the space. Spread the other supplies across the tabletop.

For safety reasons, open flames are not allowed in hospital settings. If a battery-operated candle is not available, use a drawing of a chalice or candle instead. A large drawing could be taped to the wall where it will be visible from the focus person’s bed. Draw just the chalice or candle in advance, not the flame.

If the focus person is blind or low vision, work with them to choose adaptations that will work well for them. One possibility is to use a variety of papers and fabrics with different textures, rather than only tissue paper.

The focus person should consider whether they would rather lead this ritual themselves, ask someone else to lead it, or share leadership with another. Leading it oneself can be empowering. Asking someone else to lead it can add to the feeling of being well cared for. The script here is written with someone else as leader; if you are leading it for yourself, change it as needed: “help me prepare for my hospitalization,” and so on.

SCRIPT:

Opening Words

Thank you for being here today to help [Name] prepare for their hospitalization. Together, we will create a chalice that [Name] will bring with them to the hospital to serve as a reminder of our love and support while they are there. We will also have time to speak to [Name]. Begin to let a blessing, prayer, or caring message come to mind. We will share that blessing while decorating the chalice. The decorations represent our community, and the chalice flame represents [Name]’s inner strength or spark. It will be lit for the first time during our ritual.

Throughout our lives, 
each of us experiences moments 
when we are called to offer our support to another 
and moments when we ask for support for ourselves. 
It is good to be together in times of challenge, 
finding hope and strength for the path ahead.

And so we gather in community now 
to offer care and blessings to one among us. 
Grateful for our interconnected lives, 
let us be agents of sustenance, hope, and healing 
this hour and in the days to come. 

Creating the Chalice

We are ready to create our chalice.

The chalice is made by gluing tissue paper onto the candle and writing words of encouragement on it. We will do this one by one, as we share our blessing, prayer, or caring words with [Name].

Look around at the paper and see which colors or patterns call to you. Get creative! The tissue paper will look good bunched up, layered in different colors, or extending above the top of the candle. You can cut it into specific shapes, or tear it for a more organic form. If you’d like, use the markers to draw on it before you glue it to the candle. You can decide how best to represent your blessing.

As you think about what you want to say, these questions can guide you:

• What hopes do you have for [Name]?
• What strengths or qualities does [Name] have that you think will sustain them in the hospital?
• How do you want to help [Name] feel supported and loved throughout this time?

Let’s take some quiet time now to choose our words and design. Go ahead and get your paper and words ready to go onto the candle.

(Participants should be choosing paper and working with it. Some background music here can be nice. You may also want to have some notepaper on hand for people to jot down thoughts about what they want to say.)

(Resume when each person is ready to offer a blessing. The focus person can choose to abstain or to add the first or last piece.)

Let’s decorate the candle and offer our blessings, prayers, and caring words now.

Take the candle, say what you would like to say to [Name], and then glue your tissue paper onto the candle. If you wish, you can also write a few words on the candle itself.

Who would like to begin?

(Pass the candle from person to person until everyone has participated. Later, if desired, the candle can be coated with Mod Podge or a similar clear sealant for protection.)

Lighting the Chalice

(If possible, the focus person should read these words and turn the candle on. If not, someone else can read or light for them. If someone else will read, change the words to “We light this chalice knowing that [Name] is not alone. Each time they hold it in their hands,” etc.)

I light this chalice 
knowing that I am not alone. 
Each time I hold it in my hands, 
I will remember the community that surrounds me.

I light this chalice 
warmed by your blessings and prayers. 
Each time I see its pillar, 
I will remember your support and love.

I light this chalice 
strengthened by my own determination and hope. 
Each time I kindle its flame, 
I will remember my inner spark.

(Switch the chalice on; if using a drawing, draw in the flame.)

(The person who had facilitated the first parts of the ritual should resume leadership here.)

Leader: Let us pause here for a moment,

taking in the beauty of this chalice and its flame

and the supportive power of this gathered community.

(Take a few moments to observe and enjoy the lit chalice.)

And now let us sing together.

Song

“Where You Go” (Shoshana Jedwab)

(Lead participants through the song three times.)

Closing Words

(You may extinguish the chalice to close the ritual or keep it lit so that the focus person can savor the spirit of the ritual after participants leave.)

We close our time together today
with hope for [Name]’s time in the hospital.
May [Name]’s treatment and recovery go well.
May the nurses, the doctors, and all whom [Name] encounters
be blessed with gentleness and grace.
May [Name] be uplifted by our love and their inner light.
May all of us be sustained by the connections we share
until we are together again.
Amen, and blessed be.